you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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