I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
