I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
