you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
