One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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