around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
