I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
