I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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