if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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