id be glad to
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
