when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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