you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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