I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
