Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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