i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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