What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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