His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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