Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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