i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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