I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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