You made me cry and you don't even care
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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