Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
