Having a random hookup so left but love u
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
