why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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