I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
