eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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