Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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