I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
