she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
