Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
