could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
