Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
