Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
