Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize