I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
