i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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