Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
