I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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