Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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