I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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