I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
