then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
