But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
