Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
