Just took my morning after pill in the library
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
