So drunk, too bad you don't want this
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
