you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
