Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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