I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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