this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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