hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
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You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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