there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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