Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
