Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
