I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
how does that bad decision feel?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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