he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
well you can't waste a boner
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
