he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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