Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize