I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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