Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
