I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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