I must be too annoying 4 u.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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