Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
