Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He's on the porch naked. Help.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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