I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
