Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
