Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
