Already got asked if we're dating
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize