you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
