ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize