Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
