She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
