wrigley field is MILF paradise
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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