no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
