so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
